Finding My Way Back

Sugar and Pith, graphic image of an eye being flushed by water

I feel like I’ve been running an emotional marathon for the last few months. My city caught on fire, my mom has been staying between the hospital and skilled nursing facility for three months, and my mental health (already at a low ebb) has deteriorated. I have an appointment with a new psychiatrist this week to get some extra support, a change of meds, and some therapy. I’m scared for that meeting but also looking forward to getting some help sorting myself out.

One of the things that has contributed to my mental health decline is losing touch with all but the most basic self care. I shower less often than I used to, I’m in an awful sleep cycle, I don’t keep up with chores, and I eat out a lot or when I’m home I just eat lots of cheese sandwiches because they’re fast to make. I want out of this whole cycle I’m in and it feels like it takes a herculean effort to make even the smallest changes in my current unhealthy routine.,

However, I’m motivated. Over Christmas I got a lot of orders for Sugar & Pith products. A huge volume of orders compared to what I’m used to making and processing and though it was hard to shift gears to get into the bustle of production – IT FELT AMAZING AND ENERGIZING. If I got that much business every month I’d be propelled by the forward motion of work. I was fortunate to have been included on the Simply Recipes gift list. Now my business is super slow again and to rev it up I need to get myself in better emotional shape.

Self care routines are vital to people with mental or emotional issues. A good self care routine can keep you going during the tough cycles and to some extent keep emotional cycles from becoming desperate. For some people a good self care routine kept up meticulously is all they need to maintain good mental and emotional help, for others (like me) it’s never going to be enough on its own to keep me in a healthy place. But it’s still an incredibly important support to other therapies and meds that keep me steady.

One of the things that I’ve let completely drop from my routine over the last few months (nay! the last year!) is spending time in my garden. The importance of spending time in my garden can’t be understated. It quiets my mind almost as well as alcohol does but burns calories rather than piles them on. It grounds me, delights me, and soothes me. Lately I’ve made the effort to do little tiny things in the garden just to get myself out there. Even a few minutes can refresh  me.

One of the best memories of my entire life, and a formative one, was the time my family went on vacation without me. I was 14 years old. My parents gave me money to buy myself groceries and it was my job to make sure the garden was watered every day. It was summer and I hate summer heat so I got up early every day before the heat and I ate yogurt with granola in it and some fruit, drank some tea, and then headed out to the garden to water. After watering I would take one of my mother’s harvest baskets and go pick beans, squash, and tomatoes, probably some raspberries too. It was the best part of every day. I had our beautiful turn of the (last) century house all to myself. After spending time in the garden I would escape the encroaching heat by coming inside to make paper dolls and watch soap operas. Later in the afternoon I would go downtown to meet with friends and get ice cream. We were writing a novel together that summer.

This morning I got up before 9 am (a feat for me these days), made coffee, took a shower, and got dressed. I’m creating a writing space in my garden to get myself out INTO the garden more often and to write more often as well. So I brought my mug of coffee and my laptop out to my new bare garden spot and as I’ve been writing this post I’ve stopped to pull up weeds a few times. I’ve been listening to the mourning doves cooing (a favorite sound of mine) and watching some tiny birds playing in the tattered hedge between ours and the neighbor’s driveway. This is how I want to start every day. It was so hard to drag myself out here but I’m glad I did.

Skin care and body care are important aspects of self care, but we all need activities and routines that strengthen our emotional and mental health too. What activities make you feel really good, peaceful, supported, and/or healthier? Are you able to keep up with it? Have you let those activities lapse? Obviously I would never judge anyone for letting their self care routines slide – but I hope that if you’ve let something go by the wayside that you really love or need in your life because you’re overwhelmed or tired (or both) that you try to figure out how to get back into doing it. And never be afraid to seek extra support and help to get you there!


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